My dearest friends were sitting in the living room. We had been looking forward to our girls weekend for months. Sadly, for much of the day I found myself struggling in my heart. We were laughing, having good conversations, enjoying our time together, but lies began to befall on me.

Feelings of insecurity plagued my thoughts and I couldn’t shake them. Despite my trying to filter truth, the feelings of unworthiness were persistent. As the day wore on, I was struggling in my mind and soul.

In a timid voice, I finally spoke and said, “I am struggling with so much insecurity and I don’t know why.”

In that moment the thoughts I had been battling in the depths of my heart for the entire day were cast into the light. The dark lies from the depths of hell no longer had a hold on me. Immediately, these women who know my sins, my pride, my hearts desires and greatest fears spoke life into the darkness, gathered around me and prayed for truth to deliver me from my tumultuous thoughts.

Truth was returned and my faith, the substance of all my hope, despite whatever isn’t seen or even often felt, rose up within me.

During these days of crisis, as a pandemic beats its way into our lives, I’m reminded of that evening and the power of confession.

I seek solace in our backyard. Space and time away from the noise and from my precious family who I love dearly, yet who seem to be all around. All. The. Time. During these days of COVID-19, I find myself in a place of constant serving and encouraging. I wake up and our days are a repeat of the one before. It is like being trapped in the film, “Groundhog Day,” but this is real life and not nearly as comical.

My mind is consumed with disquieting thoughts. I am determined to keep rhythms and peace in our home. I am determined to protect my family in the simple ways that I can which include cooking from our pantry and avoiding stores. I am determined to seek beauty and create a sense of normalcy. I am consumed by such simple ways of living, some of which were barely a factor of life merely a few weeks ago.

We are ONE MONTH into this new year and new decade and I am already overwhelmed! I think January should have a do-over actually! Or Now that I am ready for a new year, I’m going to officially start today! Seriously, I feel as if I needed an extra month to get my head around this whole new year, fresh start, new beginning, starting over thing…and now we are in February…I have taken some time to think about the last 10 years and to dream and seek vision for the next decade. What shall those years bring?

I love the ocean; the roar of the waves when the sea is rough or the stillness of the water when it is calm. Amid the breeze and the salty sea air I breathe easily and all I desire is to sink deep. There are times I walk into the ocean and dive in deep, hands over my head, I jump in…

At church we sang a song and the words struck a chord…”The Resurrected King is resurrecting me.” Resurrected means to restore to life, to bring new vigor to. In the bible when the resurrection of Jesus is spoken of, it literally means to wake or raise up.

We must continually be in God’s word if we are to be able to navigate the difficulties and uncertainties of each of the beautiful, crazy callings God has given each of us. God has called us to all of these things no matter what season of life you are in. We can not be full of the spirit and walking in truth if we are not immersed in our bibles daily.

A few years back I was lost. I had forgotten who I was, what made me the person I am. I forgot what I loved and what I needed. I was so consumed with trying to survive life that I wasn’t living life. I was overwhelmed with all that I thought I was suppose to do.

There are days when things simply do not go as planned.One time when I was like 15 my family and I went to Cabo San Lucas for vacation. The trip in general is what we affectionately call the "vacation from hell!" Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Oh how we laugh about it now, but it was the longest week which brought with it a new mess each day.