I’ve put aside this blog for a few months because, to be honest, I had nothing to say.I felt a little overwhelmed, a little insecure and well, I was totally flailing. I hadn't heard much from God and really, I wasn't listening. I was too busy. Too tired. Too undone.Plus, there has been so much noise. Unfiltered sounding gongs. I honestly haven't wanted to contribute to the noise. I haven't wanted to use my voice or words and I fell into believing the lie that more words were useless and they didn't matter. Who wants to hear about my little struggles or lessons or motherhood fails or desires? The world has been on fire in every aspect and so what difference does my life make in any of these things.And so I have been quiet.

A few weeks ago I co-hosted the IF: Gathering at our local IF: Richmond/Katy. This is our second year to host an IF: Local and God has overwhelmed us both times...but for me, this time, was different.As we have prepared and planned, I can honestly say that I wasn't super excited. I had moments of excitement, but I knew the work that lay ahead and I knew it was going to be hard and take much effort and time. I was working outside of my strengths and though I had a God inspired team, I was uncertain of how to lead well and keep it all together. The weeks before IF, I was weary. I had shared, prayed, sent and answered so many texts and emails and questions that weariness was flooding over me.Obedience was at stake. God had placed us and purposed us and called us to this and I had to walk in His ways. When God calls you to something you really don't have a choice. You either obey or you don't. I believe in God and I believe and trust Him so not obeying isn't an option, no matter how difficult following God is. I knew well enough that God would bring me through the tired.

I sat at a conference unaware that I was about to be broken.I was pulled to go and pray with someone.I watched as others walked over for prayer. I knew I needed to get up, but I was scared.What was I going to say?I wasn’t even sure what I needed prayer for, but I needed something.I needed to be filled.To be emptied.To breathe.I needed restoration.

Repentance begins in me.Those words have struck a chord in my heart for months now. I have chewed on them, cried out over them, searched and asked and wept.The things of this world, the ugliness and sin have left me broken and longing for Heaven. I couldn’t bear another worldly justification for sin, I couldn’t hear more hate filled words and lashings, I couldn’t watch one more abortion video.And then more…

I had a post ready to write about Father’s day today. After the Charleston shooting my head isn’t in it.I’m heartbroken.I’m fearful.My heart is so heavy.I’m weary.My children are playing in the neighborhood pool while my son is at swim practice. They are so innocent. So fun. So full of joy and laughter.Other mothers are nearby laughing and sharing stories. I sit at a nearby table under an umbrella and tears pour down my face hidden by my oversize sunglasses. I wipe my tears away quickly, but I don’t care if anyone sees me crying. My heart is overwhelmed and the only release is through tears.

I’m spending a beautiful weekend on a beach in Florida. It’s chilly, for a cold front just came into the sunshine state, but even still, nothing beats the beach.I can hear the waves hit the shore and I see people waking on the sand. The water sparkles like chrystal and it’s blue waters goes beyond the eye can see into the horizon.I wonder, as I sit in the quiet of my room. My mind wanders and I wonder.All perspective is in my heart and minds eye. The beauty of life is striking and in the calm of the sea I can survey my life, past, present and future and I can wonder and know and believe.The Word teaches us the way we are to live, the truths we are to pursue, All we must stay away from and all we must seek and find.In the quiet reflections of this moment, I want to live for the right now. The moments of daily life; yes, even the monotonous and mundane, because after all this life that has come before, I have learned that the monotonous and mundane life is where grace is found. The quiet, daily living is where I come to serve and where I lose myself and become more like my Savior.

This past weekend I, along with some dear friends co-hosted a live streaming of IF: Gathering or what we call, IF: Richmond/Katy. [dt_gap height="10" /]I really had very few expectations for this weekend for myself.I knew God was going to show up.I knew he was going to bring down walls.I knew these things, because IF: Gathering awakened me last year and propelled me forward in ways I never imagined and I knew it would do the same for many who wanted the same for their own lives.

k, so we have all seen it. That, um, vivacious picture that spilled into every news feed last week. The one you weren’t looking for, but it happened to pop up EVERYWHERE.Yeah, that one.It was trending everywhere. Articles have been written about it and because of it. Great articles about what to tell your teens about these pictures and what women should take from this. And I love each of these articles and there is so much good and truth in them but, I’m gonna be honest with you…In my opinion…Kim Kardashian isn’t really much different from the rest of us.