She came downstairs for the third time. It was about midnight. I was tired and frustrated and annoyed. Not a good place for mommy to be.
“What’s wrong now.”
“Mommy, I’m sorry, I just feel weird. I can’t stop thinking about stuff.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Just dumb stuff. I’m just worried about if people like me. I’m nervous about my play. My mind just won’t stop and I’m just thinking about all kinds of stuff and I don’t like it.”
In that instant my frustration was swept away.
In that instant I saw myself in her blue eyes.
In that instant I was reminded that she wasn’t a little girl with little girl fears, she was growing into a woman with real emotions and hormones and insecurities and fears.
My little girls play with my makeup and shoes, make believing that they are older, fun loving and free.
If I blink, they will be daughters who I hold in my heart, rather than ones who still let me hold their hand. At 11 years old, mama’s shoes are just a bit too big, but very soon, oh so very soon, those heels will be clicking out the door towards new adventure and life.
With every glimpse I see the picture of the coming years. They age. They mature. It’s so beautiful, yet heart wrenching.
How do we really live full and heart filled lives?
The relationship between mothers and daughters is one of God’s growing plans. From the moment the pink bundle is placed in your arms, your heart grows with dreams.
All you want is to be a ceiling that her one day heeled feet will stand on. All you want is your own mama to help you stand.
My son can be difficult. He is definitely an 'alpha male,' strong willed, stubborn and relentless. I am the opposite in many ways. I don't like confrontation and am very sensitive, yet easily angered. We have both become better. That's what growing up does, right...it makes us better. We both have a long way to go.
My children are getting older. When I first started writing I wrote about my motherhood struggles and of the waking hours, the weary and the worries. We have transitioned from those years and have moved into the years of what I call ‘flight training’ years. As my children get older they begin to practice flying from the nest.
What Mothers must Remember at Bedtime
It's 3 o'clock in the morning and for the 3rd night in a row a little girl comes down crying and coughing. Her breathing is wheezy, Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are so tired.We have had a permanent pallet on our floor for so many nights.We fall into parenting without missing a beat. We take temps, administer medicine, give water, hold, cuddle, kiss, pray over and she sleeps.5:45..."mommy..." she then proceeds to ask me a question. I have no idea what she is talking about! I'm not even sure if I'm dreaming or awake!7:00 a.m..."mommy, I\'m awake."We are all awake.The day passes. Nothing stops. We head to the doctor, the pharmacy, gotta make breakfast, lunch, plan dinner. I help my children with school, I wash dishes, I work on projects. I give medicine, check temperatures and make sure lots of liquids are being consumed. I prepare dinner, take one to piano, take another to swim practice.It's evening.Finally bedtime.
A Mother's Sacrifice, Work and Desire for Recognition
I sat at a conference unaware that I was about to be broken.I was pulled to go and pray with someone.I watched as others walked over for prayer. I knew I needed to get up, but I was scared.What was I going to say?I wasn’t even sure what I needed prayer for, but I needed something.I needed to be filled.To be emptied.To breathe.I needed restoration.
Finding Him in Everyday Living
I’m spending a beautiful weekend on a beach in Florida. It’s chilly, for a cold front just came into the sunshine state, but even still, nothing beats the beach.I can hear the waves hit the shore and I see people waking on the sand. The water sparkles like chrystal and it’s blue waters goes beyond the eye can see into the horizon.I wonder, as I sit in the quiet of my room. My mind wanders and I wonder.All perspective is in my heart and minds eye. The beauty of life is striking and in the calm of the sea I can survey my life, past, present and future and I can wonder and know and believe.The Word teaches us the way we are to live, the truths we are to pursue, All we must stay away from and all we must seek and find.In the quiet reflections of this moment, I want to live for the right now. The moments of daily life; yes, even the monotonous and mundane, because after all this life that has come before, I have learned that the monotonous and mundane life is where grace is found. The quiet, daily living is where I come to serve and where I lose myself and become more like my Savior.
On the Days you Don't want to be Mommy
I woke up tired. I went to bed the night before at 9:15. I haven’t done that since the 7th grade.Yet I still woke up tired.The weather is cold and gray today.The cloud that is following me is cold and gray.Sigh…On days like today It is hard to get out of bed.My flesh is fighting against all I need to do.My flesh is fighting against all I need to be.My flesh is fighting against the work I am called to do.
When Life is Hard and You need to Dance in the Rain and Keep Breathing
Breate in, breath out. Holy Spirit in. Me out.This has become my "go to" in life lately.For those times when life is all CRAZY and you are running and being pulled in all kinds of directions and you wish you could literallyBREATHE. IN. AND. OUT.Those days when you are looking for that one lost shoe and making sure all the homework is done and driving from one side of town to the other for football and dance and piano and church and go, go, go...Breath in, breathe out. Holy Spirit in, Me out.And then you have those days when you have tried to drink the coffee that you have desperately been needing since 6 o'clock in the morning when the toddler woke you up because she tee tee'd in her bed through her diaper and you change soaking wet pj's and sheets and put her beloved blanket in the wash and she screams because "da water id huwting it!!" and she keeps looking back at the closed laundry room door and asking, "id it weady?" And each time you say as sweetly as humanly possible at 6:30, "no, not yet," she starts screaming all over again and this charade continues every. two. minutes. And all you want is coffee. And Jesus. And Grace. And maybe a little more coffee. But you can't have that coffee because well, little people are screaming and you heat it up again. and then one more time.Breathe in, breathe out. Holy Spirit in, Me out.
You Must Fall to Raise Up
As mothers we are called to the greatest ministry in this world:To raise up a generation of Christ followers, leaders and world changers.To raise a generation of men and woman who will be lights in a dark world.Sally Clarkson says Jesus made world changers of his 12 disciples in 3 years and we have about 18 years to do the same!What an incredible calling and ministry that HE has entrusted us with!That is our calling and it is not for the weak!The pressures of this modern world are harsh and the traps set out for or children are cruel and sometimes well concealed.In this era of information and quick satisfaction, we are called to raise children that will seek truth and not Wikipedia facts. We are called to raise children who will learn to abide and be still, instead of running to each over-scheduled activity in fear of boredom and hidden potential.