Here’s where I’m at…many long, deep conversations with like minded friends usually begin with that statement.I’ve sat in small group, bible studies, Starbucks and across tables listening and sharing where God has me, what He has placed in my heart, my fears, my passions, where I am stuck and what I am trying to get my mind around.As believers we should be constantly going deeper, seeking righteousness, being made daily more and more like His image. There are definite seasons of life that are difficult, stormy, some are dry and others are joy filled. We should take time to share with each other “where we are at” in our walk and the seasons He has placed us in so that we can encourage and pray for each other.

I am laying in bed next to my husband playing a game on my son's ipad. I could be doing 500 other things, but this is what I have chosen to do.I haven't written on this blog in over two weeks. I haven't written much of anything in over 2 weeks. Just some blurbs here and there that haven't evolved into anything worth saying mostly because I am so very tired and worn out. Seriously WORN OUT.For the past few weeks my husband has been sick. And it has taken it's toll on me mentally and physically.And I'm lonely.And I'm sad he is hurting so much.And I am tired.We put the kids to bed and he has just enough energy to do his routine and I come down and he is in bed, tired from the days work and the pain from the illness he is recovering from and he quickly falls asleep.I've spent my day playing with the kids, going on nature walks, planning our summer vacation, reading poetry, making meals and cleaning up.All of my energy has gone into being mom today. In the evening when my husband came home, honestly, I was annoyed with him. Annoyed before he even walked in the door. Not because he has done anything wrong, simply because I'm tired and overwhelmed and I have no one else to blame but either him or myself and I choose him.When those I love are sick or battling trials and hard times I get vulnerable. I get scared.

This year has been filled with an outpouring of God’s love on my life in ways I hadn't imagined or expected.He called me to step out of the boat and in many ways and in my obedience I have seen life flourish in my faith, my walk and in my daily life.These last few months I have been doing a lot of reflection over what was spoken to me during and after IF: Gathering. The Lord impressed upon me shortly after If that I needed to “get my house in order.” I’ll be honest, as soon as I felt those words in my spirit I immediately thought, “Oh my goodness, I’m going to die!”Yeah, I went there! Forget about trusting God and believing I am safe and well covered by God.After I finally got a hold of my imagination and started casting it out, I realized that God is preparing me for life, not death!Life abundant.

When God calls you out of the boat, you put your foot in the water and you walk.Why do you doubt?Why do I doubt?A few weeks ago I stepped out of the boat. I said yes to a desire…a dream.I knew the Lord was calling me and I had to follow.And it scared me. It scares me still.I’m not sure what scares me. The unknown, of course. The thought of failing…absolutely. The thought of succeeding…that too. The expectations? The work?The risk.

I’m spending a beautiful weekend on a beach in Florida. It’s chilly, for a cold front just came into the sunshine state, but even still, nothing beats the beach.I can hear the waves hit the shore and I see people waking on the sand. The water sparkles like chrystal and it’s blue waters goes beyond the eye can see into the horizon.I wonder, as I sit in the quiet of my room. My mind wanders and I wonder.All perspective is in my heart and minds eye. The beauty of life is striking and in the calm of the sea I can survey my life, past, present and future and I can wonder and know and believe.The Word teaches us the way we are to live, the truths we are to pursue, All we must stay away from and all we must seek and find.In the quiet reflections of this moment, I want to live for the right now. The moments of daily life; yes, even the monotonous and mundane, because after all this life that has come before, I have learned that the monotonous and mundane life is where grace is found. The quiet, daily living is where I come to serve and where I lose myself and become more like my Savior.

Isis.Beheadings.Storms.Fear.Martyrs.Slavery.Broken.Weary.Lies.Death.Steal.Kill.Destroy.I’ve always liked flying.Until recently.Because fear and lack of faith and because I like to be safe.Yeah, I know I can’t control anything of this life and a car accident or a trip over a misplaced rock can bring life to a halt, but I don’t think about that daily. I can’t.I like to be safe.And perhaps flying above the ground in a man made bird doesn’t seem safe right now.

About a year ago I sat in a friend’s living room and at the top of an index card I wrote “desires of my heart.” We were talking about delighting in the Lord and truly being in fellowship with Him. I don’t remember too much of the lesson, but we were suppose to write our calling and purpose and I had no idea what those were.At 15, I remember being at a youth convention and the speaker was talking about finding you calling and passions in life. I remember praying and asking the Lord to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life.That day, I heard Him speak to my spirit and I remember hearing very clearly, “write.”At 15, I didn’t know what writing would look like or what I would write, but it had always been a dream and passion.15 years later I sat in my dear friends’ home and on the card I write under callings: “To write…something? What?”

A few months ago we were at the park and my little one was playing with another little girl her age. I began talking to her mother, a sweet young mom in her mid twenties. As we were chatting, I had that feeling, you know that spirit feeling where you are inclined to do something that isn\’t necessarily in your comfort zone.I went for it and invited her to church. I had an invite card in my purse and gave her some info. It was totally casual and she said she would love to visit sometime.Good job me! One for the Jesus team! Woohoo!Fast forward to last week.

My Story is one of faithfulness, which I have personally come to love in the last few months but which I honestly did not see any value in before then.When I was 17 I went on my first mission trip to Mexico with my youth group. It was a week of hard work in 115 degree weather, ministering to sweet families and children. It was the first time I really saw the face of poverty. I still picture those faces and can remember the names of some of the children.That week changed my life in many ways.That week, we were at the evening church meeting. It was a tiny church, no A/C, rickety pews, an outhouse for a bathroom. A girl in her early twenties came in and the pastor asked me, since I spoke Spanish, to speak with her and minister to her. I had never done anything like that in my life! I was terrified!Though I spoke Spanish, it was not well enough to share the Gospel message…or so I thought.I love that about God. You think you don’t qualify. You think there isn’t anyway you can get outside of who you “think” you are in order to do what He desires of you.All he requires of you is to say yes to Him and He fills you to not just enough, but to overflowing.That evening, I introduced myself to this girl, who was known for walking the streets and was only a few years older than I and I presented the gospel message…in Spanish!And let me tell you…I never knew I knew some of the words I used!It was amazing.