This life is a figth.As believers we are fighters. We fight for our marriages, for our children, for our finances, for the lost and for the poor.We fight for our daily salvation…fighting for righteousness and against temptations and spiritual battles.All this fighting is for good. It’s a good fight of faith.We are pursuing godliness and peace in all of this. But the battle isn't over. It still wages harsh and deep into the night and in order to stand against the fiery darts of the enemy, we must have eyes to know and see the truth.Paul instructs Timothy saying, "Timothy, my son, I am giving you this command in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by recalling them you may fight the battle well, holding on to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected..." 1 Timothy 1:18-19.

This week I turn thirty...for the third time.It's been quite a year, to say the least.My little brother had a birthday a few days ago as well and he was sharing with me how good God is and how content and happy he was and it blessed me so much to hear him. He had his first child this year, a healthy sweet baby boy and God is so good ya'll.As I was reflecting on my own life this week I am at a place in my own life where I am in awe of God. Seriously, I am totally overwhelmed and in awe.In my life right now at thirty something I am in a very vulnerable place and I am loving it. I am desperate for more of my God, but not in despair as I have been in years past. I am full of joy and hope and many days I am on my face before God.I am definitely thriving in so many ways and it scares me, yet it also keeps me pressing into Him and for that I am so grateful.

If God is real, Then He will move in you, for you and through you.Last year I cried out to God to do something in my life. I was hopeless, passionless and for years moving in and our of the hills and valleys of depression.I was lost.God had called me to surrender everything. To stop with my formulas and my plans and my desires and give it all to Him.Surrender.And I was terrified.The phrase “What if” ruled my thoughts.I was a slave to “if.”What if I can’t do all you have called me to?What if I mess up?What if all of this is too hard?What if I fall on my face?What if I live my entire life restless, afraid and depressed?

About a year ago I sat in a friend’s living room and at the top of an index card I wrote “desires of my heart.” We were talking about delighting in the Lord and truly being in fellowship with Him. I don’t remember too much of the lesson, but we were suppose to write our calling and purpose and I had no idea what those were.At 15, I remember being at a youth convention and the speaker was talking about finding you calling and passions in life. I remember praying and asking the Lord to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life.That day, I heard Him speak to my spirit and I remember hearing very clearly, “write.”At 15, I didn’t know what writing would look like or what I would write, but it had always been a dream and passion.15 years later I sat in my dear friends’ home and on the card I write under callings: “To write…something? What?”

One verse that has been such an amazing testament in my life these past few months has been Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw of everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” To know that I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses that have run this motherhood race before me is so encouraging and inspiring. Ecclesiastes says that ‘there is nothing new under the son’ and motherhood certainly isn't anything new!

At the beginning of the New Year I had made a resolution: I was going to take a bubble bath once a week!A perfect kind of resolution!The first few weeks into the year I was beside myself, for I came to realize God desired so much more from my life than I had been giving Him. In the midst of motherhood and babies; being a loving wife and intentional mother, I lost the vision for myself.I lost the desire to dream in the midst of diapers.I lost the desire to plan in the “to do” lists.I had lost the joy of the work set before me.The idea of God desiring to use me for more was daunting and overwhelming. I had nothing else to give. Yet, I was restless and discontent.

She is tender hearted.She is dramatic.She is strong, but gentle.She loves pink and flowers and beauty.She can play by herself for hours imagining the day away.She doesn’t like “itchy” things and she despises the color green.She is my girly, girl.She is my girl.