If God is real, Then He will move in you, for you and through you.Last year I cried out to God to do something in my life. I was hopeless, passionless and for years moving in and our of the hills and valleys of depression.I was lost.God had called me to surrender everything. To stop with my formulas and my plans and my desires and give it all to Him.Surrender.And I was terrified.The phrase “What if” ruled my thoughts.I was a slave to “if.”What if I can’t do all you have called me to?What if I mess up?What if all of this is too hard?What if I fall on my face?What if I live my entire life restless, afraid and depressed?

About a year ago I sat in a friend’s living room and at the top of an index card I wrote “desires of my heart.” We were talking about delighting in the Lord and truly being in fellowship with Him. I don’t remember too much of the lesson, but we were suppose to write our calling and purpose and I had no idea what those were.At 15, I remember being at a youth convention and the speaker was talking about finding you calling and passions in life. I remember praying and asking the Lord to tell me what I was supposed to do with my life.That day, I heard Him speak to my spirit and I remember hearing very clearly, “write.”At 15, I didn’t know what writing would look like or what I would write, but it had always been a dream and passion.15 years later I sat in my dear friends’ home and on the card I write under callings: “To write…something? What?”

A few months ago we were at the park and my little one was playing with another little girl her age. I began talking to her mother, a sweet young mom in her mid twenties. As we were chatting, I had that feeling, you know that spirit feeling where you are inclined to do something that isn\’t necessarily in your comfort zone.I went for it and invited her to church. I had an invite card in my purse and gave her some info. It was totally casual and she said she would love to visit sometime.Good job me! One for the Jesus team! Woohoo!Fast forward to last week.

As mothers we are called to the greatest ministry in this world:To raise up a generation of Christ followers, leaders and world changers.To raise a generation of men and woman who will be lights in a dark world.Sally Clarkson says Jesus made world changers of his 12 disciples in 3 years and we have about 18 years to do the same!What an incredible calling and ministry that HE has entrusted us with!That is our calling and it is not for the weak!The pressures of this modern world are harsh and the traps set out for or children are cruel and sometimes well concealed.In this era of information and quick satisfaction, we are called to raise children that will seek truth and not Wikipedia facts. We are called to raise children who will learn to abide and be still, instead of running to each over-scheduled activity in fear of boredom and hidden potential.

One verse that has been such an amazing testament in my life these past few months has been Hebrews 12:1, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw of everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” To know that I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses that have run this motherhood race before me is so encouraging and inspiring. Ecclesiastes says that ‘there is nothing new under the son’ and motherhood certainly isn't anything new!

My Story is one of faithfulness, which I have personally come to love in the last few months but which I honestly did not see any value in before then.When I was 17 I went on my first mission trip to Mexico with my youth group. It was a week of hard work in 115 degree weather, ministering to sweet families and children. It was the first time I really saw the face of poverty. I still picture those faces and can remember the names of some of the children.That week changed my life in many ways.That week, we were at the evening church meeting. It was a tiny church, no A/C, rickety pews, an outhouse for a bathroom. A girl in her early twenties came in and the pastor asked me, since I spoke Spanish, to speak with her and minister to her. I had never done anything like that in my life! I was terrified!Though I spoke Spanish, it was not well enough to share the Gospel message…or so I thought.I love that about God. You think you don’t qualify. You think there isn’t anyway you can get outside of who you “think” you are in order to do what He desires of you.All he requires of you is to say yes to Him and He fills you to not just enough, but to overflowing.That evening, I introduced myself to this girl, who was known for walking the streets and was only a few years older than I and I presented the gospel message…in Spanish!And let me tell you…I never knew I knew some of the words I used!It was amazing.

She is tender hearted.She is dramatic.She is strong, but gentle.She loves pink and flowers and beauty.She can play by herself for hours imagining the day away.She doesn’t like “itchy” things and she despises the color green.She is my girly, girl.She is my girl.

This life is so inconsistent; one moment we are living on accolades and admirations and the next we are hiding within our own insecurities and guilt.Last week was a week of highs and lows for me.Certain things were working out better than I imagined.At the same time, I was a little overwhelmed and tired...and for me, sometimes when I get overwhelmed and tired my thoughts get fuzzy and that tiredness turns to weariness and the weariness turns to insecurity.One day I found myself filled with uncertainty; the next I was recognized for my works. That same day I fall face first into sin and shame as I fail to be gentle and loving to my children. The next day we rejoice in the peaceful and sweet day of learning and loving and the following day, I dishonor my husband and humbly ask for forgiveness.As I was praying over the crazy moments of the week that left me in both high and low places, I felt the Lord speak to me and say, "No matter where you are or what you are doing, I will keep you vulnerable."