— Andrea Portilla

Untitled design (21).png — When You aren’t sure you have what it Takes

I find myself having to make lots of decisions.

It's that time of year, I suppose. Decisions have to be made such as which classes my children should take, curriculum choices, what activities should they pursue and all the things that surround those choices; on top of which add on IF:Guatemala and of course, the book launch for my first book! Breathless: Prayers from a Mother Learning to Exhale! (Coming out May 3rd! Subscribe here to get all the updates and info coming soon!).

It can be quite overwhelming and I get anxious and feel very inadequate for the tasks set before me. As women we tend to be multi-taskers. We have sort of prided ourselves on this, though I have the feeling that in general, multi-tasking isn't a great thing. I feel like we tend to be doing 300 things and I don't know about you, but at the end of the day, somehow I have worked on 300 things, but feel like I have accomplished little. Or maybe I have been very productive, but I question if it really was done with excellence. I struggle with that feeling that I don't have what it takes to do all the things and when I try to, things are sort of lack luster and lacking. My brain sort of works like that as well though. My mind at one point in time can seriously be thinking 1000 thoughts per second. It's really alarmingly amazing. The other day as I lay in bed with my husband I asked him what he was thinking about. He proceeded to tell me the one thing he was thinking about. ONE thing!! And it wasn't even anything important...it was about basketball or something! I asked him, how it was possible to think of just one thing? I then proceeded to tell him what I had thought of in just that one moment and it went something like this...

Tomorrow I have to wash clothes. I need to get more detergent, I wish I could get Gain, I like it so much better, but the girls are so sensitive. Oh well. They haven't had any eczema in a while. I need to find a new pediatrician. Such a pain. I miss our old Dr. I hope he is doing well. I did find that one doctor that use to be in his office that I liked as well, but she is sorta far. It's nice not having to travel too far from our little radius. I need to deliver those few things tomorrow. I'll need to map it out first and avoid traffic hours...

One minute. Am I the only one? It's kinds crazy thinking right? Non stop thinking. This is me...ALL the TIME! My mind is constantly running from this task to the other, this problem to another. It runs from issue to issue, to do, to did, to done. No wonder I am always tired! This morning as I prayed and practiced stilling my mind and being silent, I felt God whisper to my heart...Trust.

Trust.

All the things I am concerned with, I tend to gather them and work to improve and perfect and work to resolve. Yet, God pulls me closer and quiets my soul and says trust...Be still. My mind reels. Trust. Be Still.

God tells us to come and lay it all down at His feet, yet I can probably say that it is rare that I begin my day by laying all the things at His feet. I start the day with my mind going and then my hands working and my feet moving.

What if I actually did what his word says, and I lay everything down, in total surrender instead of plowing ahead with my own agenda?

"Lord, I am unsure what to do about this situation with my girl and her struggle with math so, I am going to leave it here with you. You love her more than I do and you created her brain and know exactly how it is wired so I'm going to stop being anxious and worrying and researching the solution and go to the one who created every solution."

"Lord, I ask you today to show me what you want me to carry, what do you want me to work on? I am going to leave behind everything that you desire to have and take from me so that I can do what you have called me to on this day in excellence and for your glory."

Maybe we have this idea of having what it takes and of being "enough" out of order.

We only have what it takes when we lay down the hope of what MIGHT make us successful and have faith in the very nature of God who ALWAYS proves to be faithful.

Remember that it is not by might, nor by power, but by HIS Spirit! His same spirit that made the blind see and the lame walk can perfect our vision and set our feet to run our race with passion and purpose. The bible says that "You rule over the surging sea and when its waves mount up, you still them" Psalm 89:9. Perhaps we are like the surging sea. We tend to be tempted to believe that we are powerful enough and able enough to take over all the things of our lives. Our control is part of our sin nature and our hearts and minds are untamed like the ocean. But God. He rules over the waves of our mind. He rules over the surge of our hearts and He stills it. His words pierce our very being and still our souls. HE has the power to still us.

We are so much like the waves that crash on the shore. Imagine Jesus at the foot of the ocean. God made man, who created the wind and the waves, who separated the land from the waters, who set the moon and sun to align with the earth and dictate the rise and fall of the tide, who knows where each wave will hit the shore and break. God has the power to still the sea and it obeys. Imagine the serenity and the peace that could occur when what was once loud and hard and rhythmic is now as serene as a still and quiet crystal lake. Beloved, HE can still our souls and our minds. Allow Him to still you. Have faith in Him and all the trials and worries of your world will quiet and still.